‘House Of The Dragon’ meets House of the Soho
The latest instalment in the ‘Game Of Thrones’ franchise is unleashed today. From House Velaryon to House Tyrell, David Levesley matches each heraldic house with its Soho equivalent. House Bolton excluded, obvs
Sunday 21 August 2022 By David Levesley
While it is hard to know just yet how much of the show will scan across Westerosi nobility at large, what I do know is that one of the best parts of the original Game of Thrones series was its wide cast of sexy and mischievous aristocratic houses. In the years since I have tried to get the same satisfaction from the equally exclusive and sexy Soho Houses, and it has led me to believe that there are as many similarities between the Houses of Westeros and Earth as there are between Shawn Mendes and Starbucks drinks.
Below, then, a more accurate personality test than any birth chart. I present to you the Houses of Westeros as Soho Houses: a thread.
Arryn: Soho House Berlin
House Arryn is an interesting one – defined almost as much by their keep at the Eyrie as they are by their personalities. House Arryn are known for how hard they are to access, their Moon Door – which sends their enemies plunging into endless sky – and, of course, for their young lord whose mother – and regent – still breastfeeds him.
You know where else is hard to get into and full of people exploring their kinks, removed from the prying eyes of others? Berghain. You know where else you can go from being up in the clouds to the darkest nethers with the flip of a switch? Berlin. If you’ve not seen a trial by combat in Watergate, then I regret to inform you, you have not lived.
Lovers of chaos and lovers of power – at least the Baelish we meet is – if Petyr is anything to go by, a Baelish will do anything to get a crack at fame. When I spoke to my editor about which House best embodies this energy, his answer was simple: Shoreditch House. I’ll leave you to figure out what must have happened to mean this was such a simple answer for him.
When we start A Song Of Ice And Fire, Robert Baratheon is a man of impossible nobility: the noble lord and military commander who ended the Targaryen dynasty after the Mad King’s eldest son allegedly abducted Lyanna Stark (which, as we know now, is not quite the whole story). While he might be blind to the machinations of his beautiful wife, we know the Baratheons as a powerful but ultimately moral people, who wish to see order maintained.
There’s no better fit for House Baratheon, then, than 180 House. In many ways the King’s Landing of London’s Houses, it’s also where our support team is based. If any of them marry a blonde woman who really likes her brother, however, it’s time to get worried
Yeah, I’ll be honest, no Soho House really aligns with the chaotic evil antagonists who march under the banner of a flayed man. (Plus, Berlin was already taken).
The Greyjoys are a seafaring folk, ruling over the bleak Iron Islands and praying to the Drowned God. It feels safe to say that even Soho House would have a hard time glamourising their seat on Pyke, but Soho House Copenhagen manages to bring beauty to the seafront of a slightly less grey-skied nation.
The House of Hightower is based in Oldtown, the second biggest city in Westeros. Their base is a massive lighthouse, they rarely participate in wars, and are largely supportive of academia and religious pursuits. Oldtown – and Hightower – got barely any focus in the original series, but are set to get more in the prequel. I’d wager that, with its height and beauty in a bustling city rich in culture, Soho House Mumbai is a perfect counterpart to this new arrival.
When Cersei Lannister married Robert Baratheon, she brought her family of blonde agents of chaos into the world of Westerosi politics. Lannisters are largely villains, yes, but they’re also endlessly glamorous and infinitely resourceful, surviving for as long as possible with a combination of charm, malice and beauty. There’s no better House for them than 40 Greek Street – the OG Soho House vibe, full of beautiful people who will also watch you from a balcony with a goblet of wine and a scheme.
Whenever we get a brief glimpse into goings-on at Sunspear, the word to describe it would be: orgiastic. A land of liberal sexual attitudes and beautiful sunshine, nowhere sums this up more than Soho House Tel Aviv, Jaffa. Even its beautiful turreted building brings to mind the architecture of Dorne.
House Mormont is defined by two people: the terrifyingly brave young Lyanna Mormont, and Jorah – the devoted right-hand man of Daenerys. Their seat is a wooden castle up in the North, marked by the fearsome but protective symbol of a bear. Immediately we thought of Soho House Toronto: what the city lacks in temperature it makes up for in its beauty and charm.
We know the Starks as the underdog protagonists in a story of aristocratic intrigue: a family of adaptive and moral people who arrive in the lands of others and try to thrive. What better representation of the Stark’s strength, and Main Character Energy, than Soho House New York? A landmark in its own right, it is as strong and true as Ned, as knowledgeable as Bran, as full of personalities as Arya, and can get colder than Winterfell during The Long Night.
The GOAT: an old, magical, dragon-taming family laced with mythology and import. West Hollywood is a perfect House for them – attractive people rife with ambition can be found in both. Besides, has any dynasty had as much power and mystique in human history as the people of the old Hollywood lots? A place that, I’m sure, was just as incestuous as Dragonstone could be.
When you think of Tully, you think of Samwell: bookish, devout, and wise beyond his years. But when I think of House Tully? I think of his family of hot, dumb, jock relatives who – in the show at least – refuse to take the knee to Daenerys and suffer the consequences for their blind belief in knightly valour. What better House than Soho House Rome, with its fantastic gym full of gladiatorial beauties? Though I’m sure even a future maester could enjoy what else the House has on offer.
House Tyrell, a personal favourite, produced some of Westeros’s wisest and most calculating women. But just as definitive as Olenna and Margaery is Highgarden, their rose-rich seat in the Reach. What better fit than the chic, tucked-away beauty of Babington House in Somerset? Though we’re convinced nobody there would poison Joffrey.
We don’t know much about House Velaryon, other than the fact they’re closely tied to the Targaryens, and will be appearing in House Of The Dragon: their seat is near to Dragonstone, they command a powerful navy, and have a large amount of money thanks to being tradespeople and mariners since jump. If Targaryens are the Soho Houses of LA, then I’d wager House Velaryon is Little Beach House Malibu: coastal, affluent, and geographically close to its nearest ally.